so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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