Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
