Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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