he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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