My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
