I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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