just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
