She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
