Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
