yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
