Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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