Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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