You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
