My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
