i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
