I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You can't special order awesome
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
