there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
