i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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