please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
