I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
