Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
