you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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