Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It's just like the Real World with babies
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
