Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
