I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
