haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
