My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
