um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hippo gnu deer
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
