I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
