So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
