You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
