i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
