please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
