took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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