we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
