At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
