So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
