It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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