I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
