Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
God I need to hump something, right now.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
