I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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