Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
