so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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