My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
