If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
