Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
