They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
