I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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