Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My vagina just recognized that song.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
