i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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