I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
